Friday, September 11, 2009

Blast From the Past

This Facebook thing is quite the phenomenon. It has it's good points and it's bad points. Sometimes I get friend requests from people who went to the same high school but never uttered a word to me. I don't approve those because it's obvious that they are just after the status quo. The more friends you have, the cooler you are...meh! I can honestly say that all the friends I have on Facebook are people that I have either broken bread with, relatives or have had some sort of exchange with, even blogger friends. But I don't need to have 500 friends to feel validated. Anyhow, I am amazed at some of the people that have found me and vice versa. Case in point, my ex-boyfriend from high school's sister and mother. Wow, I hadn't heard from these people in like at least a decade, so I was happy to accept their friendship. One day I had a message in my inbox from the ex's Mom on her birthday because I had sent her some b-day wishes earlier that day, so I read it only to find out it wasn't from her.

As I am reading the message, I realize OMG, it's C, the ex himself! He doesn't have a Facebook and when he went to visit his mom on her b-day, she showed him my Facebook and apparently he felt compelled to contact me. You see, ours is story that didn't end on a good note. No, in fact it ended quite badly. C was my first serious boyfriend, my first love. We met our junior year of high school when I moved out to the burbs from the inner city of L.A. We were together for 2 years. I'm going to try to condence this story as much as possible because it's quite lengthy.

After our high school graduation we decided to take a road trip to Vegas to celebrate. C invited some of our mutual friends and I invited one of my friends "S" from the old neighborhood who had just broken up with her boyfriend and was feeling kind of down. Anyhow, long story short, we got incredibly drunk one night and I passed out on the bed and while I was passed out my boyfriend and my "friend" S started making out with each other. Of course I had no idea what had happened. When we got back to my house, I was feeling horrible and I went to my room and my sister came to my room and told me that something wasn't right. She said she thought there was something between them because they were acting strange. I thought there was no way this was possible so I just ignored her. Later we took S home and C went home. My sister kept insisting so I called S and asked her what happened. She came clean and told me everything. Needless to say, I was shocked. She apologized but it didn't seem sincere. I called C and confronted him about it and he came over and told me that he was confused and he didn't know what he wanted. I told him that if he was so confused than he obviously didn't want to be with me anymore and I sent him on his merry way. This was really hard for me. I was betrayed by two people that I trusted so much. I was devasted. I couldn't eat or sleep for weeks. I never heard from either of them again. Our mutual friends filled me in on what happened. A few months later S got pregnant and they ended up getting married. I remember I saw his brother-in-law about a year later at the mall and he said that they missed me because S has no personality. I'll admit it was nice to hear that :-) So, a few years later I was told they got divorced. And that was the last I had heard about that.

His message was very apologetic. He said he was young and did a lot of stupid things at that point in his life. He said that karma had come back around to get him because S did the same thing to him that he did to me. He said that he almost didn't recognize me from my pics, that I look great and that his Mom always liked me. Wow, I wasn't expecting any of this at all. It was so long ago. For a split second I felt like justice had been done but then I caught myself and said, no, there is a child involved and that changes everything. So I wrote him back and thanked him for his apology but that it wasn't necessary since so much time has passed. I told him that while it did hurt me quite a bit, I got over it and come out of it a much stronger person because the human spirit is not easily broken. I also told him that I was sorry about his karma as that is something I would not wish on anyone. His response to mine was a bit disturbing. He said that he couldn't believe how nice I was being to him because every other woman he's had in his life has said that he ruined their lives. He said he had been getting therapy for the disaster that was his life. I couldnt' help but feel bad for him, but I suffered a lot back then and I just had to let it all go. And that is the extent of our communication. Wow, amazing this Facebook thing I tell you. Anybody else have a blast from the past connection story?

I wanted to post this song which is about letting go and addictions. I think people mistake this song as just being about relationships but it is so much more than that. If you pay close attention to the lyrics, it's most certainly about addictions. Addictions are not just limited to food, drugs, alcohol, etc. We can also get addicted to people. While I wasn't addicted to C, I certainly was attached and it was very difficult for me to let go. I'm sure some of you out there can relate in someway. So here it is. It's called Gravity by Sara Bareilles. Lyrics are listed on the video. Enjoy!


fromtheworld said...

You may have read my post about Facebook. I am not a big fun of it. In fact, I am not there. Your story is just an example of what I don't like about it, as well as the fact of being considered "cool" according to how many friends you have there....ridicolous...
Anyway, you come across as a very strong person from this story. For me, when a painful door is closed, it is closed. Especially if it took sometimes to get over it. I wouldn't feel like digging the past again because the other person feels sorry or looks for forgiveness.
You are an incredible person!

MissB said...

Amazing how exes can appear from outer space like that! You are wise in your response to him. It is better to forgive and heal isn't it? That is a big thing to go through. I have avoided Facebook perhaps because I don't want certain blasts from the past. But they can be very healthy.

P.S. I like the Anthony Bourdain widget on your page. I LOVE his show!

Amber said...

Ufffaaaa! What an experience.

Ex-drama is definitely something we could all do without!

Smiles and hugs,

Piccola said...

@fromtheworld-thanks! I guess when I think back I feel like I spent too much time being bitter and I don't ever want to be like that anymore. Life is so much easier when we forgive and let go. I'd never look back but it was nice to have some sort of closure. I'm pretty confident that he learned that relationships based on deception are doomed from the beginning. It's common sense, no? He learned his lesson and it seems like he paid for what he did, so I can't punish him anymore than that.

@MissB-It is definitely better to forgive. We are all human and we all make mistakes, granted, some bigger than others but forgiveness is a beautiful thing. How does the saying go? To err is human, to forgive divine...something like that! I LOVE Bourdain's show too! He gets paid to eat, travel and be a smart ass....that's my dream job! LOL.

@Amber-What an experience indeed! It was totally out of left field but it's hard for people to admit to their mistakes, so I give him credit for that.

Anna said...

Ciao Piccola!
Sorry, that might sound like something your boyfriend would say! Anyway, sorry to barge in like this and talk about something totally unrelated to exes and facebook...I read your comment on a post by Jessica (tootallforitaly) and I think the brand you're referring to is Madina. It still exists and it still makes gorgeous eye shadows (and a lot of other stuff too). I think they've down-scaled a bit though, which is a pity because it's not so easy to find it nowadays! Hope that helped!
Anna x

Piccola said...

Anna-thank you!! You are exactly right :-) I just googled it and I was so happy to see the site! I will be in Milano for Xmas so I will be sure to visit their store in Milano. Great blog by the way!! I will write down your Italian recommendations so that I can pick some up while I am there. Thanks!

Astrid said...

I've been thinking of deleting my facebook page, just for the reasons you mentioned. It has been fun though catching up with some long lost friends.

Ps: I'll be in Milan as well for Christmas, if everything goes as planned. This year is the first year I'll be celebrating Christmas with my husbands family :)

Saskia said...

I can understand why people don't want to be on facebook... I do have a page though. I've ignored a couple of friend requests from exes though - why when we ended and haven't spoken in years is it ok to 'befriend' each other on facebook without any intention of communicating or meeting up?

Your blast from the past story is really an amazing one. You're so right to have politely replied to him & moved on. I 'met' an old school friend on facebook who I last saw when I was 7! It's pretty cool to be in touch with her when I never would have found her in real life.

Saskia x