Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Arrivederci Amore Mio



I had been dreading this day since Ale's arrival. We did have a month and a little less than a week together, but it's never enough. I think I started crying a couple of days before today. I'm a real sap, it's terrible, I know.


We did so much during his visit. I still need to blog about all of it, but today, only for today, I need to cry all the tears I'm gonna cry. Ale asked me not to cry because I have to think about my health and stay strong, but I just can't fight the tears. I told him I needed just one day, then tomorrow I will go on with life. He helped me so much while he was here. He took such good care of me after my surgery. He cooked for me, cleaned and did everything possible to make me as comfortable as I could be. No man has ever done that for me. So, I think it's understandable that my heart is broken right now. He's only been gone for a few hours and I miss him so much already. I'm sad, but deep down inside, I am also happy. I am loved by the most wonderful man in the world and there is no better feeling than that.






Ambra told me in an email that it must be serious if he would come all the way to Oregon and spend over a month with me. At first, I didn't know what to believe. We Americans tend to take that sort of thing for granted. I was confused by a lot of things he said and about how he has never taken a woman home to meet his parents. Now I know that Ambra was right. He told me himself. He told me that he wants to come back, as soon as possible. He's emailing his CV as much as possible and there are some leads, but we just have to wait and see.



There are so many of you other bloggers out there that have carried-on long distance relationships and are now together. How did you do it? How did you survive the in-between time?? Maybe I'm just being a big baby right now. It's my day to grieve. I'm allowed. Tomorrow's a different day. I was planning to go to Milan for Christmas, but my medical bills are mounting and it's going to take me a while to pay them off. Especially since I am not out of the woods yet and still have more office visits and possibly another surgery to go. Add to that my student loans....I'm gonna be eating Top Ramen for a while...except maybe on September 13.



I miss his beautiful smile. His eagerness to learn American English. Italianisms (which I will discuss further in another post). His intelligence, his generosity and kindness...so many things. Too many to list here.

I will end this post with a song that has been playing over and over in my mind since this morning. I grew up listening to Spanish music. My parents are immigrants from Mexico and my Mom always had music on. She encouraged me to sing and dance and I haven't stopped since. I remember this song in particular because it always made me feel so sentimental. It describes perfectly how I am feeling right now. It's called "Si No Te Hubieras Ido" or "If You Hadn't Gone" by Marco Antonio Solis. It was featured in the Alfonso Cuaron movie Y Tu Mama Tambien. Translation to follow:



Te extraño mas que nunca y no sé que hacer
I miss you more than ever and I don't know what to do
Despierto y te recuerdo al amanecer
I get up and remember you when I awake
Me espera otro dia por vivir sin ti
Another day awaits me to live without you
El espejo no miente me veo tan diferente
The mirror doesn't lie, I look so different
Me haces falta tu
I miss you

La gente pasa y pasa siempre tan igual
People go by and go by always the same
El ritmo de la vida me parece mal
The rythm of life seems off to me
Era tan diferente cuando estabas tu
It was so different when you were here
Si que era diferente cuando estabas tu
Yes, it was so different when you were here

No hay nada mas dificil que vivir sin ti
There is nothing more difficult than living without you
Sufriendo en la espera de verte llegar
Suffering the wait of seeing you arrive
El frio de mi cuerpo pregunta por ti
The cold of my body asks for you
Y no sé dónde estas
And I don't know where you are
Si no te hubieras ido seria tan feliz
If you hadn't gone, I'd be so happy

No hay nada mas dificil que vivir sin ti
There is nothing more difficult than living without you
Sufriendo en la espera de verte llegar
Suffering the wait of seeing you arrive
El frio de mi cuerpo pregunta por ti
The cold of my body asks for you
Y no sé dónde estas
And I don't know where you are
Si no te hubieras ido seria tan feliz
If you hadn't gone, I'd be so happy

La gente pasa y pasa siempre tan igual
People go by and go by always the same
El ritmo de la vida me parece mal
The rythm of life seems off to me
Era tan diferente cuando estabas tu
It was so different when you were here
Si que era diferente cuando estabas tu
Yes, it was so different when you were here

No hay nada mas dificil que vivir sin ti
There is nothing more difficult than living without you
Sufriendo en la espera de verte llegar
Suffering the wait of seeing you arrive
El frio de mi cuerpo pregunta por ti
The cold of my body asks for you
Y no sé dónde estas
And I don't know where you are
Si no te hubieras ido seria tan feliz
If you hadn't gone, I'd be so happy

No hay nada mas dificil que vivir sin ti
There is nothing more difficult than living without you
Sufriendo en la espera de verte llegar
Suffering the wait of seeing you arrive

8 comments:

Farfallina - Roam 2 Rome said...

I've seen "y tu mama tambien" and when that song came on I burst in to tears!!! and I don't cry much!! Somos de Jalisco and it rang inside me! Marco Antonio Solis will be performing here next week!

Hang in there! I know what long distance relationships can be... I've had one for 5 years!

A guy from Norway I met near Venice when we both lived in Italy :)

We somehow set goals! We'll see each other this date, this place... speak every day! (Skype is great)

Hey, I also dance! Latin Dance baby!!!! :)

Have you read Italiana nell'anima's blog? She's about to move to Italy next week, and she...well... could sympathize with you!

animaitaliana.wordpress.com

Hope you are feeling better!

ANIMO!!!!

sognatrice said...

Aw, I hope you're feeling a little better; it's always sad to say "arrivederci," but isn't that a great Italian word? We'll see each other again instead of good-bye?

I met my OH after I had already lived here, so I didn't do the long-distance thing, so I'm sorry I can't help there--but like Farfallina says, keep in close contact!

If it's meant to be, it already is :)

Delina said...

Aw, I hope you're feeling better. It sounds like he's a very special person.

Hugs

Piccola said...

Farfallina- Mi familia es de Mazatlan y Aguas Calientes ( a un ladito de Jalisco :)) Lucky you! I would love to go to Marco Antonio Solis's concert!!

Ale and I are actively working on how we can be together permanently. we're setting goals, like you said :)

Isn't dancing so much fun?! I bought the Zumba dvd's and I love them!!

Thanks for the link to Italia nell'anima's blog. I bookmarked it and I am reading it. Lucky her!!

Thanks again for all your kind words. They mean a lot!

Sognatrice-You are so right and I know deep dpwn inside that we will be together soon. :)

Piccola said...

Delina-Thanks!! :) and yes, he is very special and I am so lucky to have him in my heart and to be in his :)

KC said...

Hi, I just started reading your bog a few days ago. Thanks for linking me! I agree with Ambra that Ale must be serious about you! It must have helped you so much to have him with you while you went through your surgery.

My Italian and I had a long distance relationship before I moved here last year to marry him. We were only apart for a year and a half but it felt like an eternity. We were very fortunate because I was a professor and that allowed me to visit him often (and for long periods of time) and to talk to him every day on the phone for hours. I don't know what we would have done otherwise. The hardest moments were always the airport good-byes. Like Farfallina suggests, making goals is very important. They help you to keep positive and look forward to something when the pain gets to be too much.

Ambra Celeste said...

Cry, cry cry and feel the pain of separation, but deep inside you will feel an expectant joy because you KNOW you will be together again. This is what makes the time you are apart bearable...
Baci!

Kataroma said...

Ciao piccola! My boyfriend and I survived almost a year of long distance before I decided to move here. It was horrible - skype helped as did lots of emails and SMSs all day. But in the end the only way to see if we had a future was for me to move here and be done with it. I was extremely lucky, though, as I qualified for a passport from an EU country though my dad (who is Swedish.) However, even with passport in hand, I was in for a huge shock when I arrived in Rome as it turns out that even as an experienced commercial lawyer, IF i got a job (not easy despite years of experience doing international commercial law) I'd get a really piddling wage and work looong hours. It was like all my experience went out the window -all they wanted to know was what Italian experience I had (none.)

I ended up teaching English for over 6 months! My students were so surprised when I told them that I was a corporate lawyer! Anyway, 2 years later I'm no longer a lawyer but have a job I like. However, I'm one of the VERY lucky ones. As your boyfriend says, Italy is a very hard country to make a career in. I think it's great that he's looking for jobs where you live. A much better option IMO. And the fact that he is willing to move shows that he is dead serious about this. :)