Ch-Ch-Ch- Changes

So many things have happened in the last two weeks and I decided I wouldn't write until I had some sort of outcome. First of all, I quit the job that I had taken to pass the time while I searched in the medical field, without having gotten a job to replace it with. At first I thought it was a pretty cool place to work and I am actually a consumer of it's product and have been for years. After about a month or so, things changed, drastically. They brought in a new VP that wanted to run things the way he did at his former place of employment. In my opinion, if he liked the way the old job was working for him, then he should have stayed there. It was horrible, I went from being treated like an adult to being micromanaged. I wasn't eating or sleeping well. I found myself turning into a moody person and I am normally a very positive happy person (unless you piss me off, of course, haha!) but seriously, it was beginning to affect my health and well-being, so I had to make a decision. It was difficult on me because of the health benefits I would be losing and we all know that not having health insurance in this country is like walking a tightrope, and given my health history, I would be taking a big risk. Add to that the fact that me not having a job would prolong the Italian's arrival. I seriously cried on the phone to the Italian the morning I decided not to go to work anymore. That was exactly two weeks ago today.

Yesterday I went to lunch with some friends from school and out of the four of us, only one had found a job in the medical field, but she was offered a really low salary. I honestly don't know how she is going to survive on that. Admittedly, I panicked a bit, but as soon as a worried thought enters my mind, I try to follow it with a positive one. I decided I was going to do what I could to market myself well and not sell myself short at the same time.

This morning I woke up and decided I was going to call a woman I had interviewed with back in November and again about 3 weeks ago. We had been going back and forth about this job for 3 months. This was going to be the last phone call. If she didn't respond or gave me the run around, I figured today would be the end of it. When I called, the receptionist acted as though she was waiting for my call and put me through to the woman I interviewed with. She told me she was so glad I called because she had been thinking about me over the weekend. Long story short, she offered me the position. Finally, after 3 months of back and forth, I finally got the job with the pay that I was hoping for, and after 90 days, if all goes well, possibly a raise. Although one might be leery given the history of the pursuit of this position, I am going to be cautiously optimistic and hope for the best. I really feel a sense of relief and I am so happy.

Now the only thing that is missing is the Italian. I hope the 90 days go by fast so that we can expedite his arrival. I miss him so much! I am also thinking of getting a new place before he returns. The rents are decreasing and there is so much out there right now. I want to stay in the same neighborhood though. I just love my neighborhood and so does he. New job, new home....and next a new..... :-)

I'm Back...It's Been So Long....

Well, what can I say? So much has happened. I have joined the ranks of the nations gainfully employed, albeit in a field that has nothing to do with medicine. But, with major employers announcing lay-offs daily, I am lucky to have anything at all. The hospital that I was hoping to get a job with, just announced 500 lay-offs, so that went out the door. I did have an interview there, but the position was given to an internal candidate..surprise, surprise. I was told there may be another position opening soon, however, that was before they announced the layoffs.

Now that I have some extra income, I have been playing tennis and taking Krav Maga lessons. I didn't realize how much I truly missed tennis. I used to be really good and participated in tournaments. I hadn't played in over a year and a half. Now that I am back on the courts, it's going to be hard to ever get me off again! I just love it so much, so I am extremely content to have the opportunity to play again. Krav Maga is Israeli self-defense. Krav Maga is used by the FBI, CIA, INS and several law enforcement agencies. It is very intense. Not only do you get a great workout, but you are learning to defend yourself also. It's not for the weak. I've had a few bruises already and have been extremely sore. I haven't felt those muscles in a long time! Maybe my next post will be about Krav Maga....

The Italian is still in Italy, but we are hoping he can make it here by late spring/early summer. It's so hard to be away from him, but we speak on the phone as often as we can and email and text almost everyday. This global economic crisis isn't really helping things much, but we are both optimistic. This is the land of opportunity after all! See, it's all in the attitude, isn't it?

Portland has been in the news in the last few months. First we had the snow storm of the century, dumping almost 2 feet of snow. The city was completely shut down. No one knows how to drive in it, nor is the city equipped to handle it. I just had a chuckle because I have lived in two different states where 2 feet of snow is considered a light dusting. Then Portland was in the news because some nutjob was tired of living, decided to get himself a gun and go to the club district, which is like a mile away from my apartment, and randomly take out some people. The people he victimized were foreign exchange students. 2 died and several were gravely injured. The girl that was most severely injured was a foreign exchange student from Italy. Rome, to be exact. She was shot something like 11 times. Or was it 17?? I don't remember, but it is a miracle that she made it. Her parents came here and I believe are still here with her. It looks like she is going to ride out the school year here. Her family says they love Portland, and they realize it was completely random. I'm so glad that she made it, but I feel terrible for those kids that didn't.

I've also been on Facebook a lot. It's addicting!! I've connected with people I hadn't heard from in years. Are any of you on Facebook?

The Morning Banana Diet

There seems to be a shortage of bananas in Japan and that's because of the Morning Banana Diet craze. The lastest fad diet to hit Japan. There are literally no more bananas in Japan and the Philippines can't keep up with the demand.

This is how the diet started:

A Japanese white-collar worker named Hitoshi Watanabe (currently 31 years old) had ballooned from his college days weight of about 135 pounds to about 175 pounds. Through various fitness and diet practices he managed to get himself back to 160 pounds, but he couldn’t get any lower.

Enter Sumiko. Hitoshi’s girlfriend was a pharmacist with additional training in traditional Chinese herbal medicine, yoga, and various natural and alternative health practices. When Hitoshi confessed that he wanted to lose that last 25 pounds, Sumiko suggested the ideas that became the core of the Morning Banana Diet: a banana for breakfast, room-temperature water to drink, and dinner well before bedtime.

Hitoshi lost the weight before his marriage to Sumiko, and he was so excited by the diet that he uploaded his before and after photos to the quarter-of-a-million-member Yaseru (”slim down”) community on Japan’s most popular social networking Web site, Mixi.jp. Many members tried it, asked questions, made suggestions, and the diet took off like wildfire.

I was kind of surprised by this since most Japanese people are quite healthy, unless they are sumo wrestlers. OK, maybe that sounded ignorant....Okinawa has some of the healthiest people in the world, who also happen to have the longest life span. So this banana diet sparked my curiousity, because you know, I am perpetually on a diet. What woman isn't these days?? Plus, I love me a good banana!! So I did a little research on the internet and found this website It's not a starvation diet and is much easier to follow than the Extreme Fat Smash Diet which I have done in the past. The Extreme Fat Smash is very limiting and I was always starving on that diet. The banana diet is much more reasonable. The rules are simple:

Eat a banana for breakfast

* You can eat more than one, and in fact the inventor of the diet often ate four bananas in the morning, but don’t stuff yourself to the point of fullness or discomfort
* Eat only raw, uncooked, unfrozen bananas
* Some variants of the diet allow other fruit to be substituted
* If other fruit is substituted, some variants require it be restricted to one type of fruit per meal
* If you are still hungry 15 or 20 minutes after your banana, you can eat other food (the inventor of the diet sometimes ate a rice ball two and a half hours later, about 200 calories worth)

Eat anything you want for lunch and dinner

* Dinner must be eaten by 8 p.m. at the latest (6 p.m. is better)
* There are no limits on what you can eat or the amount, including fried foods
* However, you should not eat a dessert with dinner or any of your meals
* At all meals you should eat only until you’re satisfied but not full or stuffed

Drink only water

* The only beverage allowed at most meals is water, preferably mineral or filtered
* The water must be at room temperature, not chilled or hot
* The water should be drunk in small sips and not used to wash down food
* There is no quota of water to drink, and you should not drink it in excess
* Outside of meals non-caloric beverages like tea, coffee, and diet soda are generally allowed but somewhat frowned upon, and in general water is encouraged as much as possible; milk products are not considered compatible with the diet
* On social occasions you may drink beer or wine

Eat your food mindfully

* Chew your banana and other food thoroughly and be mindful of its taste

You may eat an afternoon snack

* A sweet snack of chocolate, cookies, or the like is allowed at about 3 p.m.
* Ice cream, a donut, or potato chips are not recommended
* Some substitute fresh fruit for their snack, but if you want sweets you should not deny yourself
* Some Japanese who like salty snacks eat salted konbu (seaweed) snacks
* Some Japanese who are very hungry in the afternoon substitute a filling, fist-sized rice ball for sweets
* If you are hungry after dinner, you may have a second snack of fresh fruit, but this should not be a habit

Early to bed

* Go to bed by midnight. If you can manage to go to bed earlier, all the better

Exercise only if you want to

* Put no pressure on yourself to exercise
* If you want to exercise, go ahead: the test is to do what puts the least stress on you

OK, so I don't agree with the exercise only if you want to rule. I believe that exercise is key to a successful weight loss and lifestyle change. I'm going to be a guinea pig and try this diet. What have I got to lose but this tire sitting around my waist?? If it works, great, if not, I'm sure I won't gain any weight, right?
There are many health benefits to eating bananas, such as:

Bananas ease depression
Bananas treat anemia
Bananas help regulate blood pressure
Bananas are brain food
Bananas reduce constipation
Bananas cure hangovers
Bananas soothe heartburn
Bananas help avoid morning sickness
Bananas calm nerves
Bananas ease peptic ulcers
Bananas are a cooling fruit
Bananas help to quit smoking
Bananas help reduce stress
Bananas minimize stroke risks
Bananas help prevent cramping
Bananas help reduce swelling and irritation from mosquito bites
Bananas help kill off warts

So after my Italian class this morning, I went to my favorite grocery store Trader Joes and was thrilled to see that they had plenty of bananas. I'm going to start it on Sunday morning and see how it goes. I'm on a quest to get my bella figura back! I'll keep you posted!

Progress

I've lost a total of 10 pounds, although it's taken me a couple of months to lose it, any loss is better than gaining. For those of you that don't know, I was in the hospital last year for 5 weeks and the treatment that worked for my mysterious illness was steroids and some other medications that made me gain weight. I gained a total of 50 pounds, so I still have 40 pounds to go. I know I still have a lot of hard work ahead of me but I'm in for the long haul so I'll keep posting periodically on my progress. My problem is that I love to eat.(Ale calls me "golosa" but I don't eat junk food, I just have a love for gelato, oh, and torrone) This wasn't such an issue before I gained the weight because I was so active. I played tennis 5 days a week, had personal training, agility training and cardio classes. It's been a struggle to get that strength back. I still haven't really, but I'm not giving up. Since I am a student these days, it's not in my budget to play so much tennis or have personal training, so I've had to find alternatives. My boxing class is one alternative and I've been going on walks that average about 5 miles. I still have to add more things to my workout regimen, but I'm sure I'll find something. I was thinking of going on the Biggest Loser, but apparently I'm not fat enough, darn ;) I don't like that word "fat". I'd rather be called thick or fluffy :)
I took a picture of myself to see if I still had my huge double chin, but it seems to be shrinking! Just look...



Now if I could just get rid of the chipmunk cheeks and spare tire I've got hanging around my midsection, I'll be back in business! Tennis anyone??

Giving Thanks

Those of you that have been reading my blog since last year know that I was hospitalized last year. You can read abou it here, and here. I really didn't get into too much detail about what happened to me. It was the scariest time of my life and the Dr's feared I would never recover. Fast-forward to 8 months later and have a made an almost complete recovery. I say "almost complete" because I am still having follow-up visits and have been told by my Dr's that you really need to give it a full year to be considered completely out-of-the-woods. To this day there has never been a formal diagnosis made and no one knows how I caught whatever it was. I seem to be a medical mystery of sorts. I had spinal taps, CT scans, MRI's and although they found that I had encephalitis, and my spinal cord fluid had an extremely high white blood cell count, they still couldn't pin point anything in terms of giving it a name. The "last resort" treatment was steroids, and thank God, it worked. Of course, I gained weight as a result of the steroid treament. A lot of weight. 50lbs. to be exact. This has been the most difficult part for me, in terms of my recovery. I've been working really hard to get the weight off and so far I have lost 10lbs. I'm very motivated and determined, so I'm sure I will lose it all in due time.

To be honest, I don't remember much of it. It's like I lost 2 months of my life. I got really depressed about it because it's like losing control of your life. Now I see things a little differently. I am so much more appreciative of things and I feel like I have been given a second chance at life. Even just going for walks, I take my time and really take in my surroundings. Sometimes I cry when I think about what I've been through and how far I've come, because I am so happy to be alive.

Today I was cleaning out my room and I came across an email that Ale wrote me while I was in the hospital. I won't get into the details of what it said, but it made me so emotional that I burst into tears. I can only imagine how he must have felt being so far away and unable to be with me. I am so lucky to be loved by this wonderful man. He stood by me (albeit from thousands of miles away) and never gave up on me. I feel so blessed and I thank God for him everyday.

I had the support of family, friends and strangers alike. I am so thankful for everyone's thoughts and prayers. They really moved mountains for me. I really feel in my heart that the worst is over and I have a bright future ahead of me. I wake up every morning with a renewed energy. I am anxious to see what the future has in store for me!!

Ale will be here in a week and a half and I am so excited!! I must admit that I am a little self-conscious about my weight, but he knows how hard I am working to change that. I have lots of activities in store for us throughtout his visit and you can believe I'll be blogging about it!!

Again I want to thank everybody for your prayers and support. They won't soon be forgotten.

Dazed and Confused

Ale asked me to post here since I haven't in so long and I wondered what I could write about. It's not that there isn't anything to write about. There definitely is, but where to start....

I'll start by saying that I was in the hospital for 5 weeks. It all started with my speech. It was slurred and I couldn't get my thoughts across. No one could figure out why. Then I started having black-outs and they finally put me in ths hospital, but it took a few ER visits to finally get someone to admit me. My memory is still not 100%. I can remember things that happened 10 years ago but forget about something that happened yesterday. There are things in my apartment that I don't remember buying. They say it was all brought on by stress. I guess I can accept that because I have had a really stressful year. It's amazing what stress can do to the body. I hope to never experience that amount of stress again.

I am really lucky that I have such a good support system. Ale stood by me in spirit since we had virtually had no contact the whole time I was in the hospital. Ale emailed with some of my friends that live here in PDX that would visit me. We communicated through them. It was really hard for me, for us. We missed each other so much. I am such a lucky woman to have a man that cares so much about me. Even luckier to have friends that came together via email to support me.

Now my Mom is here taking good care of me. I have so much to be thankful for. Ale might come here in January and I am looking so forward to that. I still have to blog about our trips we took while he was here in August. Stay tuned for those posts.

I'm Back!

It's been a while but I am back and getting healthier ith every pasing day. I want to thank you all for your prayers and support. I'm going to be starting school in the next few weeks, so i will probably not be bloggong as much, but definitely more than I have lately.

I am feeling great and have a lot to share with everyone. First I want to let you all know how supportive Ale has ben through all of this. He is my heart and I will always love him for that.

I won't write much this time because I am a bit tired, but I will write more in the next few days.

Thanks again for all your well wishes, hugs, and prayers. They mean the world!

St. V's Hospital Has Become My Second Home

In the last week I have been to the ER twice. Yep, twice. Initially it was nausea and stomach pain, then I started projectile vomiting, and everything tastes acidic. Yeah, it was pretty bad. I thought I would have some relief after vomiting, but instead I got progressively worse, so I decided to drive myself to the ER. Perhaps not the smartest idea, but it was late and I didn't want to bother anybody. So as I arrived at St. V's, I heard this really loud noise. As luck would have it, a LifeFlight Helicopter was landing on the helipad. Great. I knew I was in for a long night. The ER was really crowded. I was triaged, given a pager like the ones they give you at the Cheesecake Factory, and told to sit down and wait my turn. Now, I've worked in the ER dept before and I know that most times when a patient presents with nausea, vomiting and stomach pain, they usually take you back right away. Not me...bastards. I'll show them...

An hour later, the pager went off and I thought, thank God. Finally. Well, I'm not that lucky. It was actually just to see the Admitting person who would type my insurance card information into the computer. Heaven forbid you can't pay. As she was typing in my information (wait, didn't they already have all of that since I had just had surgery there a few weeks ago???) I covered my mouth and she quickly handed me a blue bag o' barf and sure enough, I spewed whatever was left in my stomach and then some. Ms. Admitter paged the nurse and said, "The patient in front of me just had a huge emesis episode." Not two seconds later the nurse was putting me on a gurney, getting an IV started. See, I showed them. I think this male nurse was new because he tried sticking me like 4 different times with the IV needle and couldn't find a good vein. So now my left hand and arm are a really pretty shade of green and purple. I look like a freakin' heroine addict.

Once the IV was in and they gave me some anti-nausea meds intravenously, I started to feel some relief. They took like 5 vials of blood, a pee pee test, and fortunately, earlier that morning I had had a Cat Scan. Just a follow-up from my surgery. I cried during that Cat Scan because I was like WTF?? Why am I getting sick again? What's wrong with me?? And to top it all off there was an Italian song playing in the background. I just lost it. Every test was inconclusive. Even the Cat Scan. They couldn't find anything wrong with me. I was released and told to go see an Internist.

My appointment with the Internist would be on Friday. Wednesday I began to feel sick again and Thursday I puked, a lot. I called the Dr.'s office and they couldn't squeeze me in, so back to the ER I went. It was pretty much the same situation. I had to wait and I vomited while I waited, but this time they didn't care. Anyhow, when I was finally taken back I was given an IV, this time by a very nice nurse who knew what she was doing. The Dr. ordered X-Rays, a couple of blood tests, a Gastro-intestinal cocktail, yeah but this was not a yummy cocktail, (can you hear the sound of cash registers going? Cha-ching..I sure did) and again, nothing. Finally, the next day I went to the Dr.'s and I was told that my Dr. had to go home for an emergency and wouldn't be back. Well, as you can imagine, after all I have been through, I lost my damn mind. I didn't make a scene, but I was extremely persistent in that I needed to be seen like now. So the receptionist lady called upstairs and asked if someone was available to see me and get this....she kept mentioning that I had Blue Cross Blue Shield insurance, so I could definitely be seen. There is something really wrong when you can only be seen when you have the "right" kind of insurance. It really makes me angry. Anyhow, there was one Dr. who had an opening and saw me. Nice guy and he decided that I had Giardiasis. WTF??????? Another unwanted guest has taken up residence in my uninviting body. I want to live in a Purell bubble.

He was hesitant to put me on antibiotics without doing the proper lab tests, but I gave him the "give me the antibiotics and no one gets hurt" look and he caved. He told me I can't have any dairy products, no meat, or tomatoes. The only things I can have are bananas, applesauce, Jell-O, noodles, steamed veggies, bread and rice. I've become a vegan under duress and it all has the same taste. I still have to go through the testing for it, but I'll spare you the details of that because it's really gross. I think I might vomit while doing them. Seriously. So now I'm on antibiotics and anti nausea medicine. But the antibiotics make me nauseous. No, I'm not pregos. Crap. I can't win.

The Oncologist Revisited (Not For the Faint of Heart)

When I called to make my appointment, on September 1st, the scheduler girl told me that Dr. McC didn't have any appointments available for 3 weeks, I told her that I had just had surgery with Dr. McC and it was discovered that my Shrek was malignant and I was told by my OB/GYN to make an appointment with her for the following week. She told me that she would have to speak to Dr. McC and call me back. She called me back the following Tuesday, after the Labor Day weekend. Friday Sept 4th at Noon would be my appointment.

I woke up that morning feeling anxious and wishing Ale was here with me. I just wanted to get it over with. As I was getting ready, I remembered that Ale had brought me a Bialetti for 3 people. He used it almost everyday he was here. I remember him saying, "I can't see my face if I don't have my cafe'..." So, just to feel a little closer to him, I made myself some espresso. Problem is..I drank enough for 3 people! Oops.....

Dr. McC was running around the office juggling about 3 patients at once. I remember thinking, does this woman eat?? I sat restless in the lobby. Fidgetting, shifting in the chair. My hands were shaking. I was beginning to think I might have a panic attack. Then I remembered, "Um, you had a triple shot of espresso! Of course your fidgetty!!" Finally, the nurse called my name and off I went. She put me in an exam room and asked me some questions. When she took my blood pressure it was insanely high! 144/99 Normally it's around 110/65 I told her that not only was I nervous, I had also drank a triple espresso. She smiled and said, "I'm not worried. We get high readings like that in this office all the time, so don't feel bad." Dr.McC came in shortly after and asked me how I was feeling. I told her I was feeling fine physically, but emotionally I was completely drained. She understood, of course. She examined my incisions and found that one was a little irritated, so she gave me some sample packets of Neosporin and some bandages to put on it. She told me that the lab was faxing over the final report but that she already suspected what would be in the final.

I will write for you here the description of Shrek (an appropriate name as you will read in it's description). Please bare in mind that this is NOT an embryo. This is simply a germ cell gone awry. The pathology report reads as follows:

MICROSCOPIC EXAMINATION:

All slides contain portions of an immature teratoma with numerous tissue types including skin, cartilage, respiratory epithelium, lymphocytes, bone, focal retina, teeth, nueral tissue, the latter was present in multiple slides. All but four foci of the neural tissue are immature glial tissue consistent with Grade 1 (cancer cells). Four foci of immature neuroectoderm resembling a notochord-type tissue are present, with two of the foci less than 1 high power field and two greater than 1 but less than 2 high power fields.

Disgusting, I know. To think that this little monster was growing inside of me well, I really can't describe what I felt. It goes on to say that hair was not identified grossly (which is quite common in dermoid cysts, but my Shrek was not hairy, phew...) Dr. McC. said that the cancer was in it's beginning stages. Grade 1. She said she is quite confident that the cancer was contained in the cyst. She went on to tell me that at one point when they were removing Shrek, there was a slight leak but they were very fast to irrigate and suction it all out. So, based on the pathology results and her expert opinion, I am cancer free!!!! However, (isn't there always a however) she wants to follow me for the next year or so, seeing me perhaps every 3 months with a CatScan thrown in there every couple of months for good measure. I can't explain to you the relief I felt, but I also couldn't help but ask, are you sure you got it all??? She said that this would be the reason for the follow-up visits with her. She would hate to put me back on the operating table, if there was really no need, and she said that we should wait a bit to do a CatScan so that it shows everything clearly. 2 weeks to be exact. She also told me that they took pictures of Shrek because it was quite different than your average Dermoid Cyst and she asked me if I had a chance to see them. No!! Had I known I would have definitely taken a look. I'm curious by nature and want to see it. She's going to get the pics so I can have a look. The Residents and Interns were happy to see such a thing...ew!

I walked out of that office having a new appreciation for life. I am never going to take even one second for granted. After several deep breaths, I cried tears of joy. I wasn't going to have to tell my Mom anything and I was going to have another chance to follow my dreams. Ale and I would have a chance to really be together and I have one good ovary left, which means, I still have a chance to be a Mommy. I'm a cancer survivor. God is good, He really is.

In Hindsight Instinct is Everything Part 2

I woke up in the recovery room feeling really groggy and like someone was sitting on top of me. I remember feeling thirsty and the nurse asking me if I wanted some ice chips. She asked me how I was doing and I told her it felt like someone was sitting on me. She smiled and said, "Yes, you will feel that way for a couple of hours." I must have fallen back to sleep because when I opened my eyes again, Dr. K was there. She told me that they were able to remove Shrek laprascopically and that Shrek was benign. I asked if my ovaries were intact and she said that they had to take the one that Shrek had pretty much swallowed whole. They tried to carve it out, but it was no use. Shrek devoured my little ovary. She reminded me that I all I need is one good functioning ovary to conceive. While I am happy to have one, I couldn't help but feel a little bad about losing one of my girls. I distinctly remember thinking of Lance Armstrong. How he must have felt.

Once I was a little more conscious, they wheeled me back to my little short stay room and there was my knight in shining armour waiting for me. A lot of what happened for the next few hours is a bit foggy. I slept a lot. I do know that I was given some prescriptions for pain medication and I didn't bring my insurance card with me, so Ale went back home to get the cards for me. Then he went to the pharmacy and paid for my prescriptions. I replay the things he did for me in my mind and I appreciate him so much more everytime. The nurse brought me some crackers and told me to eat them and drink some water. They wanted to make sure I could keep food down and that I could go to the restroom on my own before letting me go home.

It must have been 3 pm when I finally got to go home. My post-op orders were to eat things that are easy to digest, such as Jell-o and apple sauce and to get up and walk the length of my apartment every couple of hours. I asked Ale to stop at Fred Meyer to buy the things I needed. While he was in the store, I decided I would call BJ (from the job) to let her know that my surgery was a success and I would only need 2 weeks at most to recover. She told me that they decided to hire someone else. Wow, I was pretty bummed because she said that they were going to get a temp. Oh well, things don't always work the way we want them to. So it was back to square one for my job search. Ale was in Freddie's for a long time, but I figured the poor guy had no idea what he was looking for so I waited patiently. Dr. Feelgood really gave me some strong stuff. I honestly started to feel really good while I waited in the car. I mean, I didn't feel much pain. In fact, the next morning I woke up at 4am in so much pain and I felt an incision that I didn't even realize I had the day before. The strange thing is, a lot of my pain was in my arm and shoulder. Weird. I think they must have had my arm stretched out on one of those little boards because the nurse had asked me if I had any issues with my arms before my surgery. I told her I have a recurring shoulder injury on my left side from tennis. The pain was on the right. I had no choice but to take the pain meds they gave me. I really don't like to, but I was in so much pain I was almost in tears.

Over the next couple of days Ale cooked for me and helped me get up to walk around. He asked me (Italianism #1) how I could possibly eat that toxic waste called Jell-o. I told him Jell-o was something that my Mom would give me as a kid when my stomache was upset and I liked it. I remember him saying something like his nonna would have a heart attack if she ever saw him eating something like that. My knight in shining armour is the food police, seriously! There are so many Italian rules for eating. What to pair with what, etc.....At that point, it wasn't the first thing on my mind, but I know he only tells me those things because he cares about my health.

The Thursday after my surgery, I was up and walking around when my cell phone rang. It was Dr. K with the Shrek pathology report. She told me that not only was Shrek a dermoid cyst, but it was also an immature teratoma, in other words, a cancerous tumor. She advised me to make an appointment with Dr. McC as soon as possible to see what she thinks we should do. She was regretful for having to tell me over the phone but she wanted me to know as soon as possible. I seriously felt my heart sink to the very pit of my ruebenesque belly. I felt my whole world crashing down on me. As soon as I hung up I started crying. Ale held me and told me it was all going to be ok. I think I cried more for my Mom than for me. I didn't tell my Mom about any of this. I figured it was going to be simple but with Ale going back to Italy in a week and the possibilty of me having to have surgery again, I would have to tell her because I would need her to come up to Portland to help me post-surgery. Everything seemed to be happening all at once. Ale was leaving soon, I lost the job I had worked so hard to get, I just found out I had cancer.....it was all just too much. So now maybe you can understand why I appreciate Ale so much. He was here for me through all of this. He made my days happier, when they might have otherwise been grim. I knew I had to be strong because I was going to have to face the music all by myself because my appointment with the Oncologist would be 2 days after Ale left.

Dr. K told me that they sent Shrek up to Washington for a second opinion from a Dr. that is an expert on these things. So my appointment with Dr. McC is going to be based on he results of that second opinion.

In Hindsight, Instinct is Everything Part 1

I have a confession to make. Are you ready? OK.... Shortly after I found out I was going to have surgery, I was offered a job, a good one, no....a great one! The wage was decent, the benefits excellent AND it's a union job. Union jobs are hard to come by these days, especially in my field. I was so happy! I figured, I'll postpone my surgery for a month or two, then just drop my mini-bomb on them and say, "Um, I need surgery." It would be fully covered and that would be that. When I told the Italian about my little devious scheme, he told me I must have some long lost relatives from Naples. I must be a Napolitana. Ha!

I decided I would sleep on it because I'm really not the sneaky type. It's just that it took me 2 solid months to get this job. I didn't want to lose it because of Shrek. Ironically, I couldn't sleep that night. I couldn't do it. That would be completely dishonest and these people were really nice to me. Plus, I began to think about the fact that there could be a pre-existing condition clause on the medical insurance, etc etc and if they ever found out, although it's a union job, I could get fired. Not to mention the fact that Shrek was labeled a dermoid cyst, but was it really?? Could it be cancerous and potentially spreading?? My gut told me, get this thing out and fast. So that was it, I called the job the next morning, told them I needed to have surgery and that it would take anywhere from 2 to 6 weeks to recover, because at that point, we didn't know if they would need to cut me completely open. In fact, that was decided for me when I was laid out on an operating room table on some serious anesthesia. BJ, the woman who offered me the job, was pretty understanding although she made it pretty clear that they needed someone to start like now. She said they would get a temp in there and try to wait for me, but she made no promises. Understandable.

Surgery day was on August 27th. The Italian had me at the hospital at 5:30 am sharp. My surgery was scheduled for 7:30 am. When they took me back to the short stay, they had me put on the little drafty gown and cute little socks. I had to take the "You say you're not pregnant but..." pee-pee test and then they put these really cool contraptions on my calves to prevent me from getting deep vein thrombosis during surgery. They took more blood and my nurse put the IV in my arm. Can I just tell you, that freakin' hurt!! I still have quite the colorful bruise from it. I have a latex allergy so there were signs everywhere, "Latex free environment", even on my gurney. In between the visits from 1,001 Dr.'s, Residents, Interns, Phlebotomists and Nurses, (Shrek was going to make it's big debut and was already considered a star!) the Italian would caress my hair and cheek and kiss my hand. He was so sweet and supportive, and it didn't go unnoticed!! More on that later..... Then I got a visit from the Anesthesiologist. I can't for the life of me remember his name, but for all intents and purposes, we'll call him Dr. Feelgood. He was a cool looking dude. He looked so California, which is cool since I am a Californian. He had a tan like George Hamilton. I hope it was a Mystic Tan..hello, skin cancer!

So my time came. The nurse came in and asked us if we gave each other the obligatory deluging of kisses. We more than willingly obliged and off I went. As they wheeled me past the big doors and into the surgery hallway I had to smile. There were street signs on the walls that said, "Rodeo Drive", "Beverly Hills". How did they know I'm a shopaholic and a "fashion victim", according to the Italian?? Dr. K came in and reiterated the whole procedure to me and she held my hand, aw, so sweet! Dr. Feelgood came in and hooked-me up, literally. Apparently one of my medical team of Dr's wrote about the Italian in my chart because he was the subject of conversation before I knocked out. They asked me what the Italian and I had been up to and I told them we had stayed in Cannon Beach for 4 days, Seattle for 2, Vancouver for 1 and Victoria for 2. We hiked the Gorge and went to a lot of Portland events. Dr. Feelgood told me there is a little coffee shop owned by an Italian in Cannon Beach and they make a mean espresso. We'll have to check it out next time. Next thing I know, I'm feeling floaty. I said " I'm dizzy" and Dr. Feelgood said, "Yep". My eye lids felt like they weighed 100 lbs each. Two blinks and I was out.

The Oncologist

So I think I need to really fast forward this story because it is still unfolding as I write this. It's far from over, unfortunately.

Thank goodness the Italian is here to attend this appointment with me. It's a little nerve racking to see an Oncologist, even for precautionary measures. Dr. McC was pretty cool. Dressed really casually in a nice flowing Hawaiian style top, a little on the hippy side, she presented herself with a big smile. Let me back peddle a bit, previous to Dr. McC walking in, her Physician's Assistant came in with a stoic look and asked me 20 questions. Not one sign of emotion. Like, almost not even human, seriously. Then in a really even keeled voice she said, "It's highly unlikely your cyst is cancerous. It's been there for quite some time and you are showing no signs or symptoms of cancer." Coolness! But still not a crack of emotion. If she was a man, she could get a job as a guard to her Royal Highness the Queen at Buckingham Palace.

Back to Dr. McC, she came in and literally drew me a map of the female anatomy, the reproductive area of course, and explained to us how it would all go down in detail. How everything functions and how these things form, etc. but in layman's terms so that we could really understand. She said that even though it was quite large, it could still be taken out laprascopically, as opposed to cutting me open. They would attempt it first anyhow.

I felt pretty lucky to have been given such a good team, Dr. K and Dr. McC to take Shrek out of me. I got a good feeling from both of these physicians. The Italian sort of sat there in astonishment because Dr.'s in Italy don't explain such things in detail. There is no one hour consultation. He told Dr. McC, "This is incredeeble, really. I work before in a Cancer Center in Milano and I know Dr.'s in Italy don't explain such things and draw such things. I like this."

So she took me into the exam room, and basically confirmed what Dr. K had already told me she suspected Shrek to be. She said she would call Dr. K to coordinate their schedules and let me know what date I would be having surgery.

The Medical Term for Shrek

I made an appointment with the OB/GYN ASAP. They wanted to give me an appointment for a month and a half out, but I was pretty emotional and I said um, no way. I need an appointment now. I explained what I had going on, so the scheduler put me on hold and spoke to the powers that be and squeezed me in on the following week.

That week was torture. I wanted to call Ale but he was celebrating his Mama's birthday and I didn't want to spoil it. I couldn't tell my Mom, no way. She has her own health problems. Plus, my sister is pregnant and having a terrible time of it. I didn't want to tell anybody until I knew exactly what I was dealing with. Jeannet knew of course, she was the one that really pushed me to go to Urgent Care.

The day finally arrived and I was in good spirits. I try as much as possible to be optimistic. I really believe it helps the outcome. The nurse came out and got me, weighed me and all that obligatory stuff. Asked me my and my family's medical history. Then Dr. K came in and I got a good feeling right from the start. She explained to me in detail what the CAT Scan revealed and what my Shrek's official title is. It's called a Dermoid cyst and it's a nasty little bugger!! Well, it's not so little. At this point it had grown to 14 cm by 11 cm. Huge for a cyst. Dr. K said it's been there for a long time which I was surprised by because I had had my last pap in May.

I had seen this kind of thing on those medical shows on the Discovery Health channel. Never did I imagine it would happen to me, but according to Dr. K, it's quite common among women of child bearing age. So ladies, if your feeling unusually bloated, don't hesitate, go get it checked out ASAP. Back to Shrek, it's one of those yucky cysts that grows hair, teeth, sebum, and bones. Ew! Someone that isn't a medical professional, such as myself, could believe it's fetus gone awry. I mean, it does originate on the ovary, does it not??

Dr. K told me that since it had grown to epic proportions, it needed to be removed surgically. There was no other way around it. Crap. I explained to her that Ale, the Italian, was coming in a few days from Milano, and I really wanted to have some time with him before having my surgery. She agreed that we could wait a few weeks, 3 at most, but no more than that. We'd be risking it growing more or even bursting. The biggest concern was that it could also be cancerous AND she said that she was 99.5% positive I was going to lose an ovary. Maybe even both. That was really hard for me to hear because I don't have kids yet, and I want to be a Mom more than anything!

She reassured me by saying that she highly doubted it was cancerous just because I didn't show any signs and symptoms of cancer. I had just played tennis for 2 1/2 hours a few days before!! Just to be safe, she sent me to the lab to have a CA-125 test, which is a blood test to determine whether there is cancer in the ovaries and made me an appointment with an Oncologist. Not a Doctor I really wanted to see.....

A Mass Called Shrek...

Teary-eyed, I got in my car and drove myself to the Urgent Care clinic. I told the Doctor what I had found in my belly and he took it from there. He felt around my lower abdomen and confirmed my suspicions. There was definitely something in there. He had me take a pregnancy test, which I knew would come back negative. He decided then to send me across the way for a CAT scan. Wow, now my head was spinning AND I have out of state insurance, which means I pay 30%. The fear and dollar signs were mounting, fast.

I had to drink the most disgusting Vanilla flavored crap ever. I don't know how I was able to keep it down, but I did. The nurse took me back, I put on the gown and laid down on the little board that would move me in and out of the machine. Breathe in, breathe out...wax on, wax off...Then the nurse had me wait to make sure they came out ok. After a few minutes, she came back looking pale as a ghost. She told me they needed to take a couple more. OK....what the heck's going on??!! When they finished taking pics of my insides, she sent me back over to Urgent Care.

I waited for what seemed like an eternity. When the nurse finally took me back, she had this look of sorrow on her face. The doctor made his way into the exam room I was in and I'm not exaggerating when I say that the look on his face made me want to burst out into tears. He looked like he had just lost his wife! These were the words he said to me:

"The Radiologist told me that there is quite a large mass in your pelvis. It's huge and it involves both of your ovaries. It's not life threatening, but you should definitely go see and OB/Gyn ASAP."

I felt my heart fall to my stomach and the tears well-up in my eyes. Exactly what is this mass???? Is it cancerous?? How much is all this going to cost me?? Why now?? Ale is set to arrive in a couple of weeks.....Porca miseria! I decided I wasn't going to feel sorry for myself. I decided I needed to be strong, it didn't have me, I have it..etc.... So, I named my overgrown mass Shrek.

What's That I Feel?

I played tennis on a Saturday morning in early July with Alan, Pete and Rich. It had been about a month since I had played. The last time being my final lesson with Ollie back in Fargo. It felt good to be back on the court, especially knowing that I could still keep up with the guys. We played for about 2 and a half hours before finally calling it quits. We were all famished and decided to go to Piazza Italia (more on this place later!) for lunch.

After lunch, I went home, showered and got ready for the beerfest out at McMenamin's on Cornelius Pass road with my new tennis buddies. I had a blast. I met a lot of really cool people and it felt good to have a social life again. I have to admit, I'm not much of a beer consumer so I settled for McMenamin's own red wine. Not bad, not bad at all. I had the whole bottle to myself, since everyone else was tasting the many beers being sold. I've become somewhat of a legend because I finished my bottle of wine before the guys could get through one beer. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not, but the wine was good and I was having a great time.

The next morning when I woke up, I felt something in my lower abdomen. Now, I had been feeling bloated every morning for the last two weeks, which was unusual, but this was different. I began to palpate my lower belly and I felt a lump, not hard but a lump no less. It felt liquidy, like a waterbed feels, ya know? At first I thought perhaps it was a gas bubble (silly, I know but not unusual for me...haha!) or maybe the bottle of wine I consumed the night before had some how lodged itself in my intestines (even more ridiculous, I know) but I honestly didn't know what to make of it. All I know is some uninvited guest had set up camp in my pelvic region. Great. Now what? I decided to ignore it for a couple of days in hopes that it would pass. Unfortunately, I'm not that lucky.

I decided to call some good friends of mine who happen to be Physicians and get their professional opinion. It was enough to get me over to the Urgent Care Clinic. Mamma Mia. What was happening inside of me??